Musing On The Odd

panther crossing sign

Hello there, Hayseed readers!

It’s been predictably hot this summer in Southwest Florida but this is the tropics for heaven’s sake so can I complain?  I’m thinkin’, no.  I’ve immigrated to a land 187 miles south of the Tropic of Cancer and, oh man, it sizzles down here.

Before moving to Florida I wondered if life here would deliver the right amount of weirdness for me.  Sure enough, I haven’t been disappointed!

I know what you want to say:

“Hey, Val, doesn’t that place have a bunch of scary wildlife what with the swamps and jungles and stuff?”

“Yes!”

But I haven’t seen any.  Yet.  What I have seen are a bunch of Floridian transplants who claim to have seen some mighty scary beasts.  Just the other day a dude was hunting in the swampy woods around here and came across a deer getting the life squeezed out of it by an ugly python.  (Is there any other kind?)  Three bullets later, the snake was on his way to becoming boots and a purse and the deer recovered.

But wait, there’s more.  The annual alligator hunt is soon to start.  I’m told all you need is a permit, a long stick, and some ammo.  Oh, and a strong headlamp because this is an activity that’s best done at night.  Why?  Just to make it scarier, I’m thinkin’.

gator sign

I’m always on the hunt for odd things but I choose safer venues.  Like grocery stores.  Here’s some of what I’ve found:

dirty rice

Rice that’s dirty?  Should I just be glad it’s gluten-free?

magazine

Who doesn’t pack a little heat when they’re out gardening?  Should I subscribe?

A prosthetic leg with a Willie Nelson bumper sticker washed ashore on the beach, which meant it was Florida.  Then it got weird.  —Tim Dorsey

Comments

  1. Joan Tennison says:

    Glad you’re back, Val!

  2. Such fun! Any runners left?

  3. Frank Rivera says:

    Hope you have your Donald Duck Floties on for the Hurricane!💨☔️🌊

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